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Please Stop Disrupting the Human Connection

Dear Family, Friends and Technology (specifically cell phones),

I’m writing to share my observations and I hope you find this enlightening so you too can observe and offer awareness for self and others you know and love.

The use of technology is somewhat like a double-edged sword. The usefulness is amazing but our reliance on technology, specifically our wonderful, portable cell phones, is somewhat debilitating the human connection. How many times in the last 3-5 occasions have you gone out with someone you care to spend time with and found yourself leaning on your device versus leaning on the human connection? According to a simple Google search “What is human connection? — Human connection is a deep bond that's formed between people when they feel seen and valued. During an authentic human connection, people exchange positive energy with one another and build trust. Human connection makes you feel heard and understood and gives you a sense of belonging.”

Recently my husband and I were out at our local diner and we noticed a couple, potentially a little older than we were, both head down on their phones. When we looked around we noticed another couple, and a family of four and another couple and another. It was startling because I didn’t realize how many people were relying on their phones vs relying on the human connection. There is so much going on in the world and so much to keep up with but what’s really important? Having recently lost someone I love, I wish I would have had more time with them. More time to connect, laugh, just sit in their company. So when I look around and witness what seemingly is missed opportunity I want to do something about it. I can’t go up to every table and say “stop doing that” but I can write about it hoping someone will read these words and become more aware and then share the same with others they know and love.

Don’t get me wrong, if a photo opportunity presents itself, by all means, stop and capture the moment but don’t get so distracted you miss the opportunity to enjoy the moment so it’s not just in the memory you captured in the picture. I’m talking about the “distraction” that comes from these devices. We are all guilty of going onto social media and getting caught up into the wonderful distraction they offer or plagued by the hundreds of notifications popping up on our phones. But how intentional can we be to focus more on each other and the precious time we have together? Nothing is promised, not even one second from now. When we make plans to go out and be together, what do we expect? Are we expecting to catch up, share some laughs, create some dope memories or allow our cell phones to manipulate and disrupt our time together? I know when I go out with my husband and our family I tell everyone, put those phones away unless we’re taking photos and even those I like to do sparingly. Take photos before and after or capture a few moments without distracting yourself from each other. Trust me, nothing on your phone is as important than those in front of you during that moment. Remember why you are there to begin with. Now, if you are there just for a free meal and the company and companionship doesn’t matter, then being on your phone makes total sense. But then I’d ask was the meal worth you wasting your time, space and energy with that individual or group of individuals?
I know there are a lot of questions here but that’s because powerful questions help us make better choices for ourselves. And we all know, choices equal consequence and we all want and could benefit from more positive and favorable consequences which means we need to start making better choices. So as I come to a close I want to offer you a few “coaching” questions to help you check in with yourself the next time you find your phone in your hand sitting across from someone you’ve chosen to spend time with.

What’s more important at this moment?
What steps can I take to curate the human connection at this time?
How is this moment serving me?
What would the outcome be if all of us actually just paid attention to one another?
Listen, you might ask yourself some of these questions and realize you actually don’t want to have a human connection with the individual or group you’re with but that wouldn’t be a bad thing. In fact, these questions are good for you in all cases where you make a choice to spend your time. Remember, we’re here for a divine, unique and intentional purpose. Spend your time curating the life of your dreams with the people who actually deserve a part in your masterpiece. And don’t let technology distract you from making sure you know who belongs and who are just taking up valuable space that belongs to someone who otherwise deserves that spot!

With Love,

Coach Kim

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